Valentine's Day is for Suckers.

So its Valentine's Day, the DAY of all romance days, the day of all card carrying, stuffed animal toting, flowering smelling, fake and insincere displays of love to end all days. Yet the smug people in couples like to feel sorry for the poor schmoes like me that have no one to waste money on. As such, I've created the following list:

Reasons Why I am Happy to be Single on Valentine's Day:
1. I do not have to fight for a reservation at a mediocre restaurant for a $100 mediocre meal.
2. I do not have to subject myself needless hair removal in which I endure scalding hot wax to look like a small child. I am not scouring my nipples for that random hair, or plucking that ugly mole hair out. In fact, I haven't shaved my legs in a week.
3. I don't have to receive some shitty standard "girls gift" like a drug store perfume, or a crappy stuffed animal. I mean seriously, what does a grown up even do with a stuffed animal? I don't want to have to throw it away when the guy isn't looking.
4. Let's face it married people. Once married getting laid can feel like a chore. Like "oh damn I guess its Valentine's Day so we better do it." or "Damn guess I better give a BJ." As a wise friend once told me, sometimes you just don't want a dick in your mouth. Me? I get to finish this bottle of wine and pass out to The Office. Or if Im feeling frisky I can pull out the rabbit. He always loves me and always does what I want him to do. And I never feel guilty about it.
5. Ok I'll say it. All I really want to do is eat candy. And I don't want that old shitty candy in the heart shaped box. Give me snickers. Give me skittles. Give me Godivas. But don't make me endure another box of drug store candy, where I need to bite into every piece only to spit out every chalky nougat bite. Or if it was good candy, I don't want to share. Its my candy damn it. MINE.

Honestly, my best Valentine's Day starred a booty call and multiple orgasms. No spend the night. No cuddles. Just a marathon of loving and a good day to you sir. And I didn't have to buy him a damn thing. Was your couple Valentine's day this rad?