The Pros and Cons of Living Together

If you're living in a city like New York where the cost of rent brings heart wrenching pity from your Midwestern buddies, it's all too easy to decide to share this burden with another person. Some resort to roommates, some air bnb their offices, and still other foolish couples decide to move in together perhaps sooner than necessary. The trauma and the adultness of such a step takes slightly less time than reasonable in our fair city, and now that I fall in this category I thought I would compile a list of pros and cons to help you poor souls still trying to decide.

Pro: You always have a friend around.

Con: You have literally NO privacy. So yes boys and girls we all do intimate things to ourselves when no one is around but that's hard to do when a person is always there. Now it's weird to go in the bedroom and lock the door to take yourself to pleasure town. NOW you have your significant other giving their two cents about fresh produce in the middle of trimming your pubes. Or not even that, maybe you just want to inspect that weird looking bump on some unflattering part of your body. Its hard to do these things while in constant fear of your partner walking in. Is there no sacred space anymore?

Pro: You spend an inordinate amount of time together.

Con: You spend an inordinate amount of time together. On one hand you are really happy you have someone to hibernate with through the winter. But it starts to become a selfish need where any time apart feels like a selfish act on the part of the other person and you go through this withdrawal that feels unimaginable. What happened to you? You used to do things alone remember? You don't need your partner around to help you get through the awkwardness of a coworker birthday party. You can do awkward all by yourself. And hey, you don't need that human furnace you call a lover in bed to help you fall asleep! You're are a grown ass person and you can get up and get a blanket damnit. Yeah, INDEPENDENCE!

Pro: You have someone to help you clean.

Con: Someone now knows how truly disgusting you are. Not only is it embarrassing to admit that you're a total slob, but now literally your dirty laundry is exposed. "No I didn't just shit myself, those underwear hanging in the shower have period stains. Big difference." Suddenly the feminine mystique stops being so mystical.

Pro: You have someone to help you make dinner.

Con: You've become your fucking parents. Used to be you decided your dinner on the way home from work, or you succumbed to Popeyes and no one was there to judge you. But now dinner has become a 20 minute conversation, based on a minutia of variables including health, diet, amount of laziness involved (because there are multiple of levels), money, and groceries available. The conversation might go like this-

What do you want for dinner?
I don't know anything.
How bout Mexican?
No I had tacos for lunch. Besides beans give me gas. How bout pasta?
No not pasta, I'm trying to eat full paleo this week. How bout sushi?
No after sushi I'm hungry like 15 minutes later and I'm really hungry right now. How bout Mexican?
Done.

When did dinner get so fucking complicated?! Just put some food in your mouth a chew you bastards!

Pro: You think you will have sex all the time

Con: In reality you have sex mayyyybe once a week in between dinner and Good Eats. And you can forget about blow jobs, it's no longer necessary for your girlfriend to impress you with those. We already got you. And men, please don't act like you're giving your fair amount of head because you ain't and yes maybe I'm not requesting it because I haven't shaved down there for months because once again I'm done trying to impress you.

Pro: You achieve an incredible amount of intimacy and closeness together.

Con: You no longer respect each other's boundaries. Farts? I stopped holding them back months ago. Going to the bathroom with the door open. Check. Pointing out unsightly body hair, go. Plucking said nipple hair in front of them, you betcha. And you may wonder if this causes you to be less attracted to this person, and it might, but the level of confidence it takes to proudly belch after eating garlic pizza in front of someone you love brings you right back in.

After reading through this list it might appear that there are more cons than pros, but honestly it has genuinely been wonderful living with my best friend. I feel like I'm finally living an episode of Friends where everyone is unrealistically happy all the time. Sure I have lived with other boyfriends where it did not work out so well, BUT I learned what exact cons are deal breakers. So final advice: GO FOR IT! Because chances are you do all these things in front of your other best friends so you might as well do it in front of someone you get naked in front of.