How Nice is TOO Nice?

The problem with too nice isn't that the niceness is offensive, it's more that I spend my time waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because let's face it people, no one is nice all the time. Sometimes it feels good to be a bitch or it feels good to be an asshole. It's part of our nature. The other day I cussed out a guy for banging on my bathroom door and it felt so good, I made a mental note to do it as much as possible. "Hey asshole, you just cut me in line!" I think this is why New Yorkers are so aggresive, it just feels too good. But anyway, I digress.

So while the unwizened, unjaded, unscorned women left may fall for the niceness, I am highly suspicious of it. In this way, my mother and i are cut from the same cloth, and I know this because she warned me to begin with. Loud and clear she declared: Don't trust Dominicans. She could never get into the details of why she felt so strongly about them but she said very seriously on the phone that they were sexy yes, but god damn womanizers. Now this Latin lover is no ordinary Dominican. He's practically the whitest Dominican I've ever met! He's been to DR only once, doesn't listen to Latin music, definitely can't dance, and doesn't even like baseball. Ok that last one is not true, of course he likes baseball.

Still, I felt like I was in the clear. He was easy to trust, handsome, funny, and very accommodating. For the month that we went out he picked me up in his fancy car, drove us to dinner, paid for everything. He practically pulled my chair out for me. I think I even laughed because it seemed so out of touch, so ridiculous? (A rant on how our standards have fallen to come later) It seemed to be going so well that I envisioned us..gasp.. In a relationship! We would go hiking in the sunshine and bring a picnic. We would cook lobster and have it fall on the floor, causing us to bond over the hilarious and unique nature of the moment (watch some Annie Hall people). I would meet his parents and they would inevitably fall in love with me, I would charm her with my Spanish and my terrible bachata dancing. I would make amazing cookies and his father would call me hija. Sigh....the illusions ran deep people.

Shhhshh.....wait. Did you hear that? Yup, that's the sound of the other shoe dropping.

I think it was around the time that I made the classic girl mistake of bringing up who we dated before each other over dinner. He declared loudly that before me he had dated 4 girls. Simultaneously. Then he assured me that I could see whoever I want. He didn't want to hold me back. Which we all know he is not declaring my freedom so much hes declaring it kosher to fuck whoever he wants and not feel guilty. So in the same breath where I had intended to make clear that I wanted to be exclusive, he tells me not to be. Mmm...Kay. I don't know about y'all but I don't intend to date my whole life, even with the good stories and good sex. I'm dating for the purpose of one day NOT dating again. It's not like that casual yoga I do once a month for no particular reason but to stop feeling guilty for never working out, no I'm dating to find the one. Or at least someone I can stand to be around. So when you decide that the person you are seeing is not only tolerable but downright enjoyable, i want them to stick around.

And yes, some of you might think I just need to take thing slow, see where they end up, blah blah blah.... My answer is this: the clock is ticking my friends. At 35 it becomes statistically harder for a woman to have children. So being 30, that means I should meet someone, date them for a year, move in together for another year, be engaged for yet another year, be married without kids for at least 2 years, leading me to kids at the ripe age of 35. So for those who don't want to do the math, that means I need to meet this fine fellow right about now. So if this guy wants to see other people for an extended period of time, i must take the advice of a wise woman: "ain't nobody got time for that." So I guess NICE isn't really nice at all.